Snippets of Life
by Inexorable
Summary: Ever wondered what life is like when Dark, Krad, Satoshi, and Daisuke live together? Well, now you don’t have to wonder! DarkxKrad, SatoxDai [Chapter 22: In which Dark has a sort of normal day. And Krad wears a bathrobe.]
1. Spider Problems, Part One

AN: Erm…Funny…and pointless? Well, it's supposed to be funny snippets but…shrugs Just see if you like it yourself.

Pairings: DarkxKrad, SatoxDai

Summary: Ever wondered what life is like when Dark, Krad, Satoshi, and Daisuke live together? Well, now you don't have to wonder!

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**Spider Problems, Part One**

Dark had a problem.

Dark had a big problem.

Dark had a big, many-legged problem.

You see, Dark woke up in the middle of the night with an insane urge to go to the bathroom and pee (he shouldn't have drunk the super-sized soda like Krad told him). However standing between him and the bathroom was a big, many-legged problem.

There was a big spider sitting in front of the doorway to the bathroom.

Dark glared at it, hoping the spider would get scared and scurry away.

It didn't.

Dark sighed mournfully. Krad was so much better at death glares…

For a moment, Dark wondered if he should wake Krad up to kill the stupid bug so he could go pee. But, he finally decided against it. After all, Krad was very cranky if he was woken up in the middle of the night and Dark didn't want to be sleeping on the couch for a month, so…

"I have to go to the bathroom." Dark said through gritted teeth. "Move and we'll both be happy."

The spider twitched a few of its legs, but stood in its position defensively.

Dark scowled at the spider angrily. "I'm warning you…If you don't move right at this moment, something bad will happen to you!" he threatened angrily.

The spider wasn't very impressed.

Dark cursed under his breath and snarled angrily at the spider, stomping off to the garage.

The spider rolled around, presumably laughing if spiders could laugh. However, the spider immediately stopped when Dark came back.

Clutched tightly in Dark's hands was a baseball bat. He had a slightly insane glint in his violet eyes and his left eye would sporadically twitch in annoyance.

"I warned you…" Dark hissed angrily. "Now you must pay the price!"

With a mighty yell, Dark raised the baseball bat over his head. At that moment, the moonlight filtered into the hallway, accenting the danger that Dark exuded.

And the spider, if the spider had a voice, it would be screaming shrilly like one of those bad horror movies. But, since it didn't have a voice, the spider settled for scuttling away as fast as those long legs could carry it.

"Oh no you don't!" Dark roared. "DIE!"

Showing off his impressive strength, Dark swung the bat as hard as he could, crushing the spider instantly. A black, gooey substance was left in its wake, sticking the ground in front of the bathroom and on to the bat as well.

"Ha ha ha!" Dark cackled maniacally. "I showed you, didn't I!"

Dark continued to laugh at the now-dead spider and started to dance a victory dance with a wide grin on his face.

"Dark?" a sleepy voice called out. The hallway lights were flicked on and Dark was temporarily blinded as he tried to adjust from the darkness to the light. "What are you doing?"

"I had to go pee, but there was a big, black, ugly spider blocking my way, so I got a baseball bat and killed it and now I'm doing my victory dance." Dark replied calmly. Honestly, wasn't it obvious?

Krad sighed, leaning against the doorway leading to the bedroom he shared with Dark. Sometimes he had trouble understanding what went through his other half's head.

And Dark just continued to dance.

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AN: Ooh, this is fun! XD I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it! And who knows how long this is gonna turn out…XD 


	2. Spider Problems, Part Two

AN: I was bored so I wrote another chapter. And I realized I forgot to add in the disclaimers last time sooo…

Disclaimers: If I owned, do you think I would have settled for implications?

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**Spider Problems, Part Two**

Dark might have had a problem yesterday night, but now Daisuke had a problem.

And his was much worse.

Unlike Dark, there wasn't a big, scary spider that was sitting in front of a bathroom while he was dancing the crazed pee dance. Oh, no, that problem would have been mild compared to this one.

There was big, black splotch in the middle of his once pristine carpeted floor that led to the bathroom.

Daisuke looked like he was about to cry. And he truly was ready to, too. He normally wasn't a perfectionist, but…THE SPLOTCH!

It. Was. Making. Him. SAD.

So it came down to two options. Two options to get out of this horrible mess. He could either sit on the floor and cry or he could do something productive.

He ran to Satoshi.

"SATOSHI!" Daisuke wailed, throwing himself into Satoshi's arms.

"Yes, Daisuke?" Satoshi asked patiently, putting his laptop away.

"There's a big, ugly, black, gooey splotch in the middle of our hallway leading to the bathroom and it's ruining the perfectness of the once pristine carpet!" Daisuke whimpered.

"Did you try cleaning it out?" Satoshi asked.

Daisuke looked at him in shock.

"Clean it out?" Daisuke repeated. "CLEAN IT OUT!" Daisuke's voice was getting a little shrilly now. "YOU EXPECT ME TO CLEAN IT OUT!"

"No, you're right, I'm sorry." Satoshi replied, patting Daisuke's head absently. "Why don't I call the cleaning service and you get dressed so we can go out to breakfast while the cleaning service cleans the mess Dark made?"

"Okay…" Daisuke agreed, sniffling a little. He was getting off of Satoshi's lap when he realized what he had said. "DARK DID IT!"

"Yes, but breakfast now, kill Dark later." Satoshi ordered, pushing Daisuke into their bedroom.

"Okay…" came the muffled response as Daisuke shrugged out of his shirt.

Satoshi closed their bedroom door and knocked on Dark and Krad's shared bedroom before walking in.

"Dark, Krad, would you like to—oh…never mind."

Satoshi closed the door and leaned against the wall with his eyes closed, trying to dispel the image of Krad writhing under Dark's skilled hands. Well, with practice comes skill and Satoshi managed to banish the image far, far away. Very far, far away.

Fifteen minutes later, Daisuke and Satoshi were seated at a quaint little restaurant, menus open in front of them. Daisuke seemed to have forgotten all of his previous ire against the black splotch and Dark and was cheerfully humming a little tune under his breath as he flipped through the pages of the menu.

Satoshi sighed, stirring his coffee idly. The days were getting so predictable lately…

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AN: Dark, you bad boy, causing so much grief for Daisuke…XDD 


	3. Woes of a Cleaning Lady

AN: I'm so pathetically sad that I updated this stupid thing _three _times today. Well, I really like this story idea so... I guess you guys should be happy and stuff. I have spring break right now so I don't have any thing to do…

Disclaimer: Don't own!

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**Woes of a Cleaning Lady**

About five minutes after Daisuke and Satoshi left for breakfast, a cleaning lady by the name of Kyoko entered the house. Her only companion was a cart full of cleaning supplies, but that was ok, because she liked cleaning (that was why she became a cleaning lady).

She entered the seemingly perfectly normal house and, as per the instructions the owner of the house gave her, walked to the second floor hallway leading to the bathroom.

That's where she saw it.

Yes, that's right.

_It._

_It_ was a hideous black splotch of god knows what sitting in the middle of once pristine, creamy-colored carpet.

Kyoko was shocked. How could this horrible thing befall on this normal house where the owner seemed to be nice and pleasant?

Immediately, Kyoko set upon the task of removing the stain. She tried everything…She tried stain removers, bleaches, even going as far as trying to burn the stain off, but…

Kyoko snarled at the blotch. It was the most stubborn black blotch of…whatever…she had ever encountered in her life.

And for mocking her like that, it _would_ pay. She _would _find a way to remove it, even if it caused her death.

How would she die from removing a black splotch is anyone's guess, but let's just say that the cleaning fumes got to her brain…

Anyway, she went back to her cart and tried the old method: using water to remove the stain. However, the only that managed to do was make the big, black, ugly splotch even bigger.

Still scowling, she tossed the useless rag soaked with water away. This time, she tried stronger bleach than the one she used before. She poured a copious amount on the stain, but the stain was persistent and continued to sit there mockingly on the pretty, cream-colored carpet.

The black splotch seemed to be making fun of her. It defied any attempts of being cleaned and Kyoko was. Not. Happy.

Finally, she decided to go out to a near by store and she bought a roll of the same cream-colored carpet. Then, she returned to the house with the carpet firmly tucked under her arm. Then, upon reaching the splotch, she tore away the carpeting and replaced it with the one she just bought.

She brought the carpet containing the black splotch outside and promptly set fire to it and began cackling madly. Any people passing by just walked all the more faster to get away from Kyoko, the crazy cleaning lady.

Finally done with the mini bonfire she started in the front yard, she went back inside to retrieve her cleaning supplies, as well as write the instructions for the payment. However, as she was passing by a locked room, she heard the most peculiar sounds of something crashing to the ground.

Kyoko's eyes widened. Could it be…thieves!

Kyoko quickly got a mop from her cart and snuck back to the closed door, placing her ear near the door to hear the conversation within more clearly.

"Damn! This is too big!"

"Yeah, I know. You'll get hurt if you pull too hard."

There were sounds of grunts and pants coming from behind the closed door.

"Shit…Krad, I think it's stuck!"

"That's because you just can't pull it out like that! You'll hurt yourself!"

"Okay, together, then, on three?"

"Okay."

Kyoko's eyes almost bugged out. Were they…Could it be…Were they having…sex?

"YES! We got it out!"

"Now, put it over here."

"You mean over here?"

"Yeah. Deeper! Put it in deeper!"

"Like this?"

"Oh yeah…Mmm…That's good…"

Kyoko choked, losing her grip on the mop. It clattered to the ground noisily, but the occupants of the room didn't seem to hear.

"Krad, should I pull it out?"

"No! Keep it in! It's _so _much better that way…"

"Mmm…You're right as usual, lover."

Enough was enough. Kyoko fainted in front of the door.

Dark, having heard the strange thumping noise, unlocked the door and peered at the ground.

"Krad, there's a weird girl lying on the ground. I think she's unconscious. Do you think she's a thief?" Dark asked.

Krad stepped out of the room. "No, I think she's the cleaning lady Satoshi hired to get the black splotch out of the carpet _you _made." He replied.

"Oh." Dark shrugged. "Do you want to repot more plants before they come home?"

"Okay." Krad agreed.

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AN: Yeah, I'm bad at those "Ooh-they-sound-like-they're-having-sex-but-they're-not" things. Anyway…hope you found it funny? Oh, and I want to thank my reviewers who reviewed this fic like…ten minutes after I put it on THANK YOU VERY MUCH! 


	4. Satoshi's Fanclub, Part One

AN: Yes, shut up, I like updating this. It's nice. People who reviewed this are nice. Yeah. And now we get to see what happens to Satoshi and Daisuke after breakfast. XD

Disclaimers: Nope, don't own.

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**Satoshi's Fanclub, Part One**

"He's cute." One girl sighed, making lovey-dovey faces.

"Totally." Another agreed, nodding her head.

"Look how sexy that pose is!" the first girl squealed, jumping up and down.

"And those glasses just make him look sexier…" the second girl whimpered in absolute bliss.

They were, of course, talking about the one and only Hikari Satoshi. He was leaning against a building casually, arms crossed over a dark blue button up silk shirt. He looked at his watch every so often, seeming to be waiting for someone.

"Do you think we should go over there and ask him out on a date with us?" the second girl asked her friend.

"Like, totally!" the first girl agreed enthusiastically, bobbing her head up and down.

The two high school student girls made their way to Satoshi, who was oblivious to their looks and was checking his watch for the umpteenth time.

"Um…excuse me…" the first girl started hesitantly.

"We just noticed how sexy you were looking, standing there…" the other girl said, smiling charmingly.

"So, do you, like, want to go out on a date with us?" the two girls finished together eagerly.

Satoshi looked slightly surprised by the question, but shook his head. "Err…No, that's okay…I rather not…"

The two girls immediately latched on to his arms, clinging to them like leeches.

"Oh, come on!" one complained.

"Yeah, just pick one of us! We don't care who! Just go on a date with one of us!" the other girl whined.

Satoshi now started to panic. Things like this never happened to him. It was always Dark who got the whiny, clingy, scary fangirls (and he was immensely happy that it was Dark, not him). So, now his mind in a state of total chaos, he said the first thing that came to mind.

"I'M GAY!" he shouted, causing some people passing by to look at him strangely (those poor people. First they passed an insane cleaning lady named Kyoko and now they passed a guy who liked shouting things on the top of his lungs. They will be mentally scarred forever.)

The two girls paused in their whining and complaining for just a second and shared a look with each other. Just when Satoshi felt like it would be safe, one of the girls had to take his wish, throw it on the ground, jump on it like a deranged kangaroo, and crush it into millions of pieces.

"That's okay!" the girl on his left shouted. "It just makes you even sexier than before!"

Satoshi felt himself pale slightly.

The other girl studied his face and body closely.

"You're right…" she said slowly. A look of understanding dawned on her face. "It does!"

Satoshi felt himself paling even further. He was going to die. Yes, die. Right here, right now. Not up against some fierce and crazy Hikari artwork, but against two, clingy, whiny, and very scary fangirls. He wondered if they would put that on his tombstone. "Hikari Satoshi, died in the fight against two, clingy, whiny and very scary fangirls."

Satoshi felt like bursting into tears.

And just when he was about to…That's when his savior came.

"Excuse me…" Daisuke said softly, tapping one of the girl's shoulders to get her attention.

The two girls turned towards him with questioning looks on their faces.

"That's _my_ lover and I want him back. _Now._" Daisuke said firmly, grabbing Satoshi's shirt and hauling him away from the scary fangirls.

"Aw…Come on!" one whimpered pathetically.

"Won't you share him with us? Pretty please?" another whined.

"No." Daisuke replied flatly. "Come on, let's go home."

Satoshi hastened after Daisuke, thankful for his save.

"I'll never understand fangirls…" Satoshi muttered, trying to walk away from the two scary girls quickly and look dignified at the same time.

"Yeah." Daisuke agreed. "Me neither."

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AN: Hm…Where was Daisuke when Satoshi first encountered the fangirls? I don't know…Maybe he went to the bathroom. But why did it take so long? Well, maybe he had a fight with a spider there. XD 


	5. Spider Problems, Part Three

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own.

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**Spider Problems, Part Three**

After they dragged Kyoko, the unconscious cleaning lady outside, along with her little cart full of cleaning supplies, Dark and Krad went into their kitchen for coffee (Dark) and to read the newspaper (Krad).

Still slightly put-out that Daisuke and Satoshi had left them without food, Dark put on his best puppy-dog look and pouted at Krad.

Krad tried to ignore him, he really did. He pulled the daily newspaper closer to his face and concentrated on the tiny print as hard as he could, but Dark batted the newspaper away and pouted even more.

Finally, Krad sighed and went to the refrigerator in search of eggs. If he was going to cook, he was going to cook the easy stuff.

Dark smirked victoriously and settled back comfortably on the squishy chair, watching Krad wave his butt in the air a bit _too_ closely.

There was a shout of joy from Krad as he found the carton of eggs and he made his way over to the stove, eggs and frying pan in hand.

Dark sighed dreamily, trying to imagine Krad in a little apron… (Tsk, you pervert, Dark!)

Just as he was getting to the good part, something big, black, furry, and many-legged dropped onto the kitchen counter!

Dark choked.

IT WAS A SPIDER!

And it was a hell lot bigger than the spider from last night.

Dark looked around wildly for something to hit it with. There was absolutely nothing in sight.

The spider was advancing closer to him.

Dark let out a strangled squeak and moved his chair back.

The spider was coming closer.

"KRAD!" Dark wailed, pulling on Krad's ponytail.

Krad sighed and turned around. "What is it, Dark?" he asked.

"There's a spider on the kitchen counter!" he whined, clutching Krad's ponytail tightly.

Krad sighed and turned to the spider. It was…rather big, but still…Dark faced more terrifying things than a spider before with a cocky smirk on his face.

He turned back to the cooking eggs.

"KRAD!" Dark screamed now. "KILL IT!"

"Dark, you faced things more terrifying than a spider before. If you can't crush it, just use your magic." Krad said without turning around.

Dark pouted. Krad was so mean!

The spider was now advancing even closer.

"KRAD!" Dark was hysterical by now. Krad's ponytail was now being strangled in his grip and he chewed on the end of it as he tried to back up even farther.

Finally, Krad turned around with a roll of his eyes. He stared at the spider, who stared back. The staring contest lasted for a few minutes until Krad finally decided to unleash his secret weapon—the glare of DOOM. (yes, DOOM. Not doom, nor Doom. DOOM.)

The spider, if it had a voice, would have squeaked in fear. Instead, it settled for committing suicide by jumping in the very hot pan with the cooking eggs. It was fried in seconds.

Krad sighed dejectedly.

"I guess we're not eating eggs today…" Krad said in an unhappy tone of voice. He tossed the frying pan, eggs and spider still in it, outside the window where it hit Kyoko in the face.

"I have an idea!" Dark said brightly after letting go of Krad's hair. "Let's go out and eat!"

Krad smacked his face with the palm of his hand.

"D'oh!"

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AN: This spider was the long lost cousin of the spider from chapter one. Or something like that. 


	6. Satoshi's Fanclub, Part Two

AN: I am bored. Bored I am. This is fun. Fun this is!

Disclaimer: I don't own. Own I don't.

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**Satoshi's Fanclub, Part Two**

No matter how manly Satoshi was trying to act around Daisuke, he knew that the fangirls scared him. So Daisuke suggested they stop at an ice-cream parlor for some ice-cream before going home.

"Ice-cream?" Satoshi said incredulously. "At ten o'clock in the morning?"

Daisuke sent Satoshi a _look_ that promised a slow and painful death if the two didn't go to an ice-cream parlor right this moment.

"I mean…ice-cream!" Satoshi said nervously. "What a great idea! It's never too early for ice-cream! Gotta eat that ice-cream, right?"

Daisuke looked pleased as the two of them strolled into a local ice-cream store. They bought two cones and settled down in one of the booths in the corner of the shop.

Satoshi was slightly surprised, though he didn't show it. There were many people at this time of day that were lounging around in this shop, eating ice-cream. They consisted mostly of mothers and their children, but there were some high school students as well, sitting and talking with their friends.

And then, Satoshi saw something that made his heart drop.

_Them_.

The two girls from before.

Satoshi whimpered and sunk down in his seat.

"Can we go soon?" Satoshi whispered to Daisuke.

"Why?" Daisuke asked, oblivious that the two evil monsters…er…fangirls were sitting quite nearby. "Let's stay here and relax for awhile."

Satoshi whimpered. This was going to be the longest moments of his life, he knew it. And he wouldn't be surprised if he found a few strands of white hair after this day was over. He was becoming very stressed with the fangirls hanging off of him and Daisuke's dramatics earlier this day.

FINALLY!

Daisuke was almost done!

THEY COULD LEAVE SOON!

Satoshi did a mental dance in his head because if he did a real dance, then everyone would look at him funny and he had enough funny looks for the day already.

But then, the unthinkable (or thinkable, depending how you look at it) happened.

THOSE TWO FANGIRLS SAW HIM!

AND THEY SHOUTED!

"LOOK! EVERYONE, LOOK! IT'S THE HOT AND SEXY GAY GUY!" One shouted.

"ISN'T HE SO MUCH SEXIER BECAUSE HE'S GAY?" the other one added loudly.

All heads swiveled to the little booth in the back where Satoshi was trying to suffocate himself using a napkin and Daisuke was looking torn between faintly amused and faintly horrified.

"You're right!" all the women, married or not, in the ice-cream shop shouted. "It does make him look sexier!"

They all stood up and made a mad dash towards Satoshi.

"HERE! HAVE MY PHONE NUMBER!" one shouted.

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY AT MY HOUSE FOR DINNER?" another one hollered.

"NO, STAY AT MY HOUSE FOREVER!" a third screamed.

They were all getting closer to Satoshi and he wasn't having much luck smothering himself to death with a napkin so he prayed. He prayed hard, he prayed long.

That's when Daisuke, the super-savior saved Satoshi again!

He stood up and with a flick of wrist, stopped the stampeding herd of drooling and rabid fangirls.

"Now, now, ladies." Daisuke admonished sternly. "He's taken already!"

And with that statement, Daisuke reached over the table and kissed Satoshi firmly on the lips.

"And I don't share." Daisuke added after he finished kissing Satoshi.

"Boo!" said all the women in the ice-cream shop.

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AN: Poor Satoshi, being victim to a herd of stampeding herd of drooling and rabid fangirls…Kinda makes you feel bad for the guy, doesn't it? 


	7. Dark's Fanclub

AN: Lookie, Dark's got a fanclub too!

Disclaimers: Don't own

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**Dark's Fanclub, Part One**

It there was one thing that Dark knew well in all of his years at thieving, it was that fangirls were very, very scary. And being the attention-hog he was, he had a rather _large_ group of fangirls.

_Very _large.

He used to go out with them for fun, as it was always amusing to hear the women proclaim their undying love for him and how much they would train to become thieves just for him.

Daisuke called it cruel, but then again, Daisuke was always a big softy.

Now-a-days, he didn't do it anymore as Krad was a jealous bastard and he figured he didn't feel like sleeping on the couch (or worse, the floor!) for another month…

That, and the recent generation of his worshippers…err…fangirls were rather scary.

Well, one girl in particular was extremely scary in her pursuit of a life where she was happily married to Dark Mousy, thief extraordinaire, and went out thieving with him on a regular basis.

Pfft. Yeah, like that was ever going to happen.

And of course, he was talking about the one, the only (insert sigh here) Harada Risa.

Well, anyway, today had been a perfectly normal day so far. There were no spiders, no crazy cleaning ladies, and he and Krad had a lot of fun _playing_ in the morning, if you know what I mean…

At least, his day _had_ been normal…until she came…The bane of Dark's existence…Harada Risa (and her unwilling sidekick, Harada Riku)!

"Dark!" Risa exclaimed dramatically. "I've missed you so much, my bright, shining star!" (Behind her, Riku snorted and rolled her eyes exasperatedly)

Risa launched herself directly at Dark's arms, but Dark, being the smart cookie we all know and loved, anticipated this and side-stepped her, causing her to crash to the ground in an ungraceful heap.

"How did you find where I live?" Dark asked calmly (actually, he was almost into hysterics at this point, but he does have an image to uphold…).

"The power of love brought us two together like magnets!" Risa declared after standing up and brushing off the dust that got on her blouse and skirt.

There were a few strange choking noises that came from the staircase that sounded like laughter being held back, but Dark ignored it to face the greater of two evils.

"No, really, how did you find out where I lived?" Dark asked again.

"I…I…" Risa stuttered for a few seconds before she adopted a pout on her face. "Fine, I bribed Daisuke to tell me!"

Dark looked like he was about to cry. "_Daisuke _told you?" he whimpered softly.

"Yes, but does it matter? We're together now! We can elope and we'll be two thieves, stealing all we want for the rest of our lives!" Risa sighed happily as she immersed herself in her little dream world. "It will be absolutely wonderful!"

"Dark is with me." A voice said.

Krad appeared from the staircase where he had been apparently hiding, watching the scene play out.

Risa blinked suspiciously at Krad. He looked very familiar…Very, very familiar…

Then she shrugged. She didn't want to wear her pretty little head out by thinking about such trivial concerns…

(The man tried to kill you and you can't even remember his face!)

"Now, as I don't particularly like sharing my things, especially if that thing is Dark, I would really rather you get out of my sight." Krad said briskly. He shooed the pair outside and slammed the door in front of their faces.

"Now, where were we?" Krad asked with a decidedly evil look on his face.

Meanwhile, outside, Risa was bawling her eyes out, as usual. Riku just sighed and patted her sister's shoulders in what she hoped would be a consoling manner.

"I want a bigger part next time…" Riku complained.

And Risa just continued to cry.

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AN: Meh…I don't like this chapter as much as the other ones, but…Oh well. I'll try to get the next chapter out by tonight. I have a good idea…(snickers) 


	8. Dark's Teddybear

AN: It's a bit shorter than my other ones, but I think it's cute. Well…I'll let you decide. XD

Disclaimers: I love Dark, Krad, Daisuke, and Satoshi dearly, but sadly, I just don't own…

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**Dark's Teddybear**

If anyone ever wondered whether Dark used a teddybear to sleep at night, it was probably rebuked fiercely by fangirls who sought out to protect their "Dark-sama's" masculinity.

So, eventually, people who were curious asked other people that _weren't_ fangirls. However, usually, this yielded no better results than if they were to ask the fangirls.

For example, when they asked Harada Riku, she just huffed angrily and said, "Why would I care?"

When they asked Niwa Daisuke, he just laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head, and answered, "I don't know. I don't _think_ so."

When they asked Hikari Satoshi, he rolled his eyes, pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and replied, "Does it really matter?"

On the rare occasion they managed to find and corner Dark, he would just snort and change the subject smoothly.

And, on an even rarer occasion, when they asked the tall, silent, and sexy blonde that seemed to be _glued_ to Dark's side, he would merely smile secretively and walk away.

You see, the truth is, Dark _does_ have a teddybear.

But not in the sense that you would think.

He doesn't have one of those fuzzy, cute stuffed animals you buy at the store.

No, he has a one-of-a-kind teddybear.

His teddybear didn't look cute with an innocent expression plastered onto its face.

No, his teddybear was hot and sexy.

(Do you see where this is going?)

His teddybear wasn't an inanimate object that you could squeeze to death when you're scared or throw around when you're enraged.

His teddybear was _alive._ It lived, breathed, and best of all, it could have sex with him.

His teddybear was, of course, the one and onlyKrad.

* * *

Dark shifted in his bed still asleep, muttering nonsensical things under his breath. His arms were firmly wrapped around his teddybear—Krad.

Meanwhile, his teddybear was watching him sleep with a fond smile on his face.

"Four hundred years and you still need to cuddle up with someone in your sleep…" Krad murmured, his small smile grower larger.

Krad yawned and closed his eyes to join his partner in the world of sleep, unconsciously nuzzling closer to Dark.

Because, of course, Dark was also Krad's teddybear.

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AN: Wasn't that sweet? Of course, now that I've actually written it, _I_ want to go to sleep with a Krad/Dark teddybear… 


	9. Evil Soup Cans

AN: I wanted to update, but I didn't have a good idea until now…Well…This isn't exactly a good idea, but I hope you enjoy anyway!

* * *

**Evil Soup Cans**

Satoshi disliked many things in his life, but there were three things in particular that he absolutely, positively _hated_.

One would be the inept and moronic police force that couldn't do a thing, no matter how easy the job was.

The second would be the very scary fangirls that chased him all over the town last week (he got more exercise from running away from them than running after Dark).

And the third…Well…The third thing he hated were soup cans.

They were, in Satoshi's opinion, spawns of Satan.

No, really, they were.

After all…the damn things _bit_ him! They actually had the gall to _bite_ him!

He was enraged.

Sucking on his wounded finger, he glared spitefully at the innocuous soup can that was half open.

Now, how did the evil soup can attack Satoshi?

Well, he wasn't really sure. One second he was opening the can and the next second, the damn thing had given him a rather large cut on his finger.

So, he did the logical thing anyone would do.

He ran to Daisuke.

"Daisuke!" Satoshi howled, running into the living room where Daisuke was sprawled on the couch. "The soup can bit my finger!"

"Of course it did…" Daisuke said absently, watching a soup opera with interest. "Would you like me to kiss your finger to make it feel better?"

Satoshi sniffled pathetically.

"Yes." Satoshi whimpered, holding the wounded appendage in front of Daisuke's face. "I also want you to kill the evil soup can!"

Daisuke blew on the finger gently and gave it a chaste kiss and then settled back on the couch.

"I'm sure the evil soup can doesn't have anything against Hikari Satoshi." Daisuke said, his attention focused on the TV program.

"Daisuke, I'm begging you!" Satoshi griped, throwing himself on his knees and hugging Daisuke's legs tightly. "Please go and get rid of the evil soup can!"

Daisuke sighed and stood up.

"Fine, fine, I'll go to the kitchen to fight the…uh…evil soup can." Daisuke sighed, trudging towards the kitchen.

The two of them made the (not-so) long and the (not-so) perilous journey to the kitchen where they found their nemesis, the evil soup can…sitting on the kitchen counter innocently.

"Evil soup cans…" Daisuke sighed with a smile tugging at his lips.

"Well, it was evil before…" Satoshi sulked.

Daisuke smiled, patting Satoshi head like a dog.

"I'm sure it was." Daisuke said soothingly. "Why don't we just forget about this whole evil soup can thing and do something fun?"

"Like what?" Satoshi questioned.

"You'll see…" Daisuke said mysteriously, tugging on Satoshi's shirt in the direction of their illustrious bedroom.

And while Daisuke and Satoshi were occupied upstairs, the soup can broke out into an evil smile, growing devil horns and fangs.

"Now I'll be able to take over the world!" the soup can exclaimed in a squeaky voice, throwing in a maniacal laughter that ended with him hacking his lungs out.

Unfortunately, Krad walked into the kitchen at that moment, took a look at the evil, talking soup can, and blasted it into smithereens.

Because we all know that Krad doesn't like any competition for taking over the world.

* * *

AN: Yes, I'm aware that this one isn't half as funny as the other ones. I started off wanting this to be funny, then decided that I wanted it to be fluffy, and it sorta got mixed together… 


	10. Ebil Gerbils

AN: Strange, strange ideas…They keep killing me, I tell ya.

* * *

**Ebil Gerbils**

It was a peaceful day in Azumano. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and there wasn't a soul that was disrupting the peace.

That is, there wasn't a soul that was disrupting the peace…until…_he_ came.

The ebil gerbils.

Not evil, for that would mean that they were normal, evil gerbils.

No, they were worse.

They were _ebil_ gerbils.

And furthermore, they were ebil gerbils that wanted to monopolize all the fast food restaurants in the world (insert dramatic music here)!

However, even though they were ebil gerbils, and intelligent ones too, they were still animals that would get squished by a stray foot. So, they talked about their problem in earnest and they came with one solution: they had to use their special mind-controlling powers to make a human join their cause.

And the first human that they saw was…

Krad.

The evil…err, sorry, ebil, gerbils used their special mind-controlling powers, but…oh no! They were too late! And off Krad ran to complain to Dark about the nasty ebil gerbils that inhabited the park.

However, the ebil gerbils wouldn't give up the chase that easily! They ran after Krad as fast as their little legs carried them and, believe me, they were pretty fast.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Krad screamed as he ran by an unsuspecting Dark and a clueless Daisuke.

"GRRRRRRRR!" growled the ebil gerbil herd that was following Krad.

"Um…" Daisuke said.

And Dark just blinked confusedly at the retreating figure of his lover.

"Aren't you worried about Krad?" Satoshi asked, popping out of nowhere.

"Er…why would I be?" Dark questioned in confusion.

"Because your lover is being hunted down by a herd of rabid, ebil gerbils that want him as their mindless slave for the rest of his life!" Satoshi exclaimed. "Aren't you worried?"

Dark hit his forehead with his palm.

"I am now!" he shouted.

"Um…?" Daisuke looked confused.

"MY GOD!" Dark continued. "I've been so mislead my entire life! I've taken Krad for granted this entire time and now he's going to become a mindless slave for the ebil gerbils!"

And with that, Dark shot off like bullet on steroids, leaving a confused Daisuke and an indifferent Satoshi in his wake.

"Um…?"

"Let's not worry about him. I'm sure he can save Krad from the…ebil…gerbils."

Meanwhile, Dark was running so fast that he just appeared to be a blur of black clothes to the casual observer.

"What was that?" a random female asked.

"Black wind?" another guessed.

Dark ignored the snippets of conversations he heard and continued running at his breakneck speed when he realized he could fly. So, he called forth his wings and took to the sky when suddenly…Krad appeared in a pink dress!

"AAAHH!" Dark screamed, his vision going blind from the pinkness.

"Dark, you must join the ebil gerbil's cause!" Krad cackled.

Dark whimpered.

Krad smirked.

Dark sniffled.

Krad laughed maniacally.

Dark woke up.

"NOOOOO!" he screamed, sitting up straight in his bed.

His breathing relaxed as he realized that he was in his room he shared with Krad and there were no ebil gerbils in sight. He was relieved and snuggled up to Krad, ready to go back to sleep…

When he saw a pink dress draped over a chair.

* * *

AN: Strange ideas you get when you're supposed to be writing up lab conclusions. Why was the pink dress there? I don't know. Make it up. XD 


	11. The Thief Club

AN: Thank you all for reviewing. I love you so much!

Disclaimer: Refer to other chapters

* * *

**The Thief Club**

"I think we should have a thief club." Dark announced grandly one fine day.

Daisuke blinked at him.

"But we only have three members." Daisuke pointed out. "If you even _count_ With as a member."

"Kyuuu!"

"So what do we propose we do?" Dark asked.

"I think we should ask grandpa to join." Daisuke said matter-of-factly. "He used to be a thief so he fits the parameters you set up."

"But…" Dark adopted a pouty look on his face. "No offense to you, Daisuke, but he's so _old_!"

"Age has nothing to do with the parameters." Daisuke said wisely. "With is hundreds of years old, and you let him in your club. And now that I think about it, so are _you_."

"Fine!" Dark exclaimed exasperatedly. "Our new parameters are that you must be a thief and you must look at look either cute or sexy!"

"Kyuuu!" With exclaimed in agreement.

"Yes, but now we're back at our original problem—we only have three members!" Daisuke argued. "I think we should ask Satoshi to join!"

"But he doesn't fit in with the parameters!" Dark shouted.

"He fits with half of them—it's good enough!" Daisuke retorted.

"Kyuuuu…" With whimpered.

"How about Krad and Satoshi then?" Daisuke suggested.

"It's tempting, but no." Dark replied firmly. "They don't fit in with the parameters."

"Okay…How about Risa?" Daisuke asked innocently.

Dark just glared at him.

"Kyuuu…" With said mournfully.

Suddenly, Satoshi's head ducked into their impromptu club/meeting space.

"Krad says if you don't get out of the table right now, you'll be sleeping alone for the rest of your life." Satoshi said a tad _too_ smugly.

Dark jumped up (er…well, crawled out) and dashed towards his "honey".

"Krad, darling! I'm sorry!"

"Kyuuu!"

* * *

AN: Shush, I know, not up to my usual standards, but blame it on my tiring weekend. 


	12. Momotarousimplified

AN: I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'm glad to all of you who enjoyed the last one.

Disclaimer: Refer to past chapters

* * *

**Momotarou—simplified**

Once upon a time, a man named Kosuke lived with his wife, Emiko, on a great big mountain.

One day, while Emiko was washing clothes in a river, she found a really big peach in the river!

"Wow, what a big peach!" Emiko exclaimed.

She decided to bring it home to share it with her husband. When Kosuke saw it, he was very surprised.

"Let's eat it!" Kosuke shouted.

Suddenly, the peach burst open and out popped a baby Dark!

"I'm so cool!" baby Dark said.

Well, the couple decided to take Dark in as their son. Years passed, and Dark grew up (mainly because we're all too lazy to say what happened in between).

Then, one day a traveler visited their mountain and said that there was an evil demon terrorizing the nearby towns! (gasp)

Dark decided to be all hero-ish, and told his parents that he was going to go to vanquish the demon that was living on Devil's Island.

Emiko made special dumplings for Dark to eat on the journey. One would give him the strength of ten men. Two would give him the strength of a hundred men!

So, taking the dumplings, Dark set out on a dangerous journey to, uh…Devil's Island.

On the way there, a red-headed teen with sunset-colored eyes started to run to him.

"Dark…" Daisuke suddenly paused and looked at the script he was given. "Do I really have to say this?"

"Yes!" shouted a voice from the heavens.

"Fine…" Daisuke grumbled. "Dark…sama…Can I have one of your dumplings?"

"Uh…sure! Why not!" And Dark handed Daisuke one of his yummy dumplings that Emiko made him.

"Wow! Thanks for the dumpling!" Daisuke read off the script. "I'm so happy that I will become your follower and go with you to the Devil's Island!"

Dark shrugged and the two of them walked down the dirt path to Devil's Island. They walked long, and they walked far, when suddenly, a blue-haired teen called out to the traveling duo.

"…Dark-sama." Satoshi said monotonously. "May I have one of your special dumplings?"

Dark smirked and tossed a dumpling towards Satoshi. "This is great…Satoshi calling me 'Dark-sama'…" he said gleefully.

"Thank you for the delicious dumpling." Satoshi continued dully without even looking at the dumpling. "I'm so happy so I will become your follower and go with you to Devil's Island."

And so, the three of them set off once more, trekking through wide forests, deep streams, and high mountains. Just as they were going to settle down for the day, a blonde-haired man came walking down the path sexily.

"Dark-sama!" Krad called in his sexy voice. "May I have one of your dumplings?"

Dark's eyes widened at the sight of Krad's unusually skin tight clothes that left little to the imagination.

"You can have a lot more than that!" Dark shouted, throwing the dumplings away.

And so, Dark dragged Krad into a remote region of the forest, planning to show Krad exactly _what_ more could he have.

Meanwhile, Satoshi and Daisuke were busily eating…each other at their camp site, the large package of dumplings long forgotten.

The four completely forgot about the demon and they lived happily ever after!

* * *

AN: Yay, the story of Momotarou my way! XDD Maybe I should have called it "Darktarou". XP Oh yes, I want to thank all of you for helping me break 100 reviews! This really is something to celebrate for me…I'll give you an extra special chapter next time I update! 


	13. Ph3ar him!

AN: Love you all, people! My "over-100-reviews" present won't be a long chapter, but lots of chapters updated in one day! Hope you enjoy!

**Ph3ar him!**

**

* * *

**

Hiwatari Kei was a sad, sad man.

And not a sad man as in a pathetic man (although we all know he is), but a sad man as in he was very depressed.

This problem didn't come from the fact that he was dead (he was actually alive, but how we will never know), nor did it come from the fact that his stepson hated him and Krad now had no intention of helping him (he never really liked Satoshi too much and Krad never _did_ help…in fact, he made everything much worse).

No, this problem stemmed from the fact that he. Had. No. fanclub!

He wanted a bunch of screaming, whining, clinging fangirls (no fanboys, thank you very much) to follow him around like a horde of bees to honey! Krad had them, Dark had them, Satoshi had them (and this is one of the main reasons why he hated Satoshi. The others were that he had blue hair and he was too smart), and even Daisuke had him (okay, okay, so Daisuke wasn't that bad, but still, it wasn't helping his bruised ego).

And so, getting into the thinker position, Hiwatari Kei thought long and hard about his predicament. He needed a solution to get popular and fast…And just when he was about to give up, he got an idea.

He loved the idea _so_ much that he decided to work on it right away!

_Three Hours Later…_

Hiwatari Kei paraded down the main streets of Azumano, wearing sexy black clothes that didn't work well for him and holding up a sign above his head, shouting, "Look at me!" every so often.

As he was walking down a street, he found himself meeting his son and the Niwa boy.

"What are you two staring at?" he snapped.

Satoshi just looked at him, eyes bulging and jaw dropped. Daisuke blinked, and rubbed his eyes, trying to see if Kei was real or not.

"Aren't you supposed to be dead?" the two demanded at the same time.

"Technicalities." Kei snorted. "Anyway, there's a no plot hole rule, remember?"

"Right…" Satoshi didn't look convinced. "In any case, we'll be going now…." Satoshi grabbed Daisuke and the two ran off, probably to find some poor psychiatrist to lament their problems to.

Kei shrugged and continued parading down the street, smiling (what he thought was) charmingly at the ladies.

As his arms began to tire from holding up the sign, he saw two familiar sights he never thought he would be seen again.

"Krad? Dark?" Kei said incredulously. "What are you doing here?"

"No plot holes." The two replied in unison.

"What are you doing right now?" Dark asked.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Kei demanded. "I'm parading around the town to show off my manliness! You guys aren't the only ones to be able to get a fanclub!"

And with that, he marched off, leaving a bewildered Krad and a smirking Dark behind.

"You know, it might work if…"

"If he learned how to spell." Krad snorted. "He was never a good speller…"

For on Hiwatari Kei's poster was: 1 4m teh s3xah Kei! L0v3 m3 or ph3ar m3!

"At least he can spell his name right…"

* * *

AN: XDD I hated Kei in the anime. That's why I want to make fun of him. XDD Maybe I'll make fun of him more in later chapters… 


	14. Strange Fairytales

AN: My second update of the day! I was in the mood for DarkxKrad fluff…

* * *

**Strange Fairytales**

"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, handsome, and dashing thief named Phantom Thief Dark Mousy. Everybody loved him, except for the evil, conniving policeman, Satoshi Hikari."

"But my daddy says that policemen are good guys and thieves are bad!"

"Then your daddy is an idiot. Now shut, you little brat, so I can finish this story!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Okay then, well, anyway…One day, as the cool, undefeated Dark Mousy was stealing yet another painting, he saw a beautiful, sexy blonde by the name of Krad. As soon as he saw Krad, Dark fell in love with him, so he swooped down with his awesome wings and landed next to Krad."

"Wait, Dark has wings? Is he a bird?"

"No, he's a helicopter! Of course he isn't a bird, you nitwit!"

"But my daddy said--"

"Sucks to your daddy, then! Anyway, Dark landed next to Krad and immediately enchanted him with his manners!"

"He did?"

"Shut it, kid! I'm telling the story here! ANYWAY…Krad became smitten with Dark and he allowed himself to be carried away by the sexy thief into the night sky. But, something bad happened! Krad admitted that his evil tamer….err…I mean, evil stepfather was forcing him to marry the one and the only RISA HARADA!"

"Who's Risa Harada?"

"She is an evil, conniving bi--….err…bad guy who wants to take over the world with girly dresses! Anyway, as soon as Krad told this to me…err…I mean Dark, he decided to go and defeat the evil stepfather and the evil Risa Harada!"

"How did Dark do that?"

"Well, simple. He flew to their houses on his big, black wings and banished them to another dimension, never to be seen again!"

"And then what happened?"

"A lot of X-rated things that you kids wouldn't understand, but just know that Krad and Dark lived happily ever after."

"Oh really?" Satoshi had been listening to the story from under a shadowed tree in the park where the storyteller had been weaving his tale to the children.

"Oh, it's you." Dark grinned. "The evil stepfather of Krad, Satoshi Hikari."

Satoshi shook his head and shooed the children away. "Don't listen to a word he says!" Satoshi called after him. "He's completely insane!"

"Aww, you just _have_ to ruin my fun, don't you?" Dark demanded peevishly, watching the naïve and oblivious children wander off.

"Yes, but what made you even want to tell them that story to begin with?" Krad asked, appearing suddenly behind Dark.

"'Cause I was bored." Dark said matter-of-factly.

"Yes, well, I was infinitely amused by your story." Krad informed Dark. "And, furthermore, I have this insatiable curiosity as to exactly _what_ X-rated material happened in your story…"

"Shall I show you?"

"Oh, please lead the way."

* * *

AN: You like? Oh, and by the way, the kids' minds are forever tainted by Dark's story. XDD 


	15. Romeo and Juliet Simplified

AN: I mean no disrespect for the original story or for Shakespeare. I just thought this was a funny, fluffy idea!

* * *

**Romeo and Juliet—Simplified **

Once upon a time, two rival families lived within forty feet of each other in a town called Azumano. The rival families were the Niwa family and the Hikari family. This rivalry between the families had occurred for so long that no one knew their origins anymore.

But one thing was certain. When the new generation of Hikaris/Niwas was born, everything would change.

After all, Dark's first word to his mother was "Krad!"

And Krad's first word to _his_ mother was "Dark!"

So, is it really a big surprise when they fell in love with each other at first sight?

No, of course not.

It _did_ come to a surprise to the townspeople and the feuding families when they realized that their _other_ sons had fell in love with each other as well (Satoshi and Daisuke, duh!)

But then, the head of the Hikari family, Kei, died in an "accident" and Emiko decided that she wanted Krad and Satoshi as her son-in-laws anyway and all was good.

And the Prince of the land, Prince Saehara, was also very pleased, for he didn't have to waste anymore money on repairing the damages the town took whenever the Hikaris and the Niwas fought.

In fact, the only person who _wasn't_ happy was Risa, who was supposed to marry Dark by the time she was fifteen.

But she eventually stopped persisting her love in Dark when she realized just _how_ scary a jealous Krad could be.

And so, everyone lived happily ever after, in fair Azumano.

* * *

Krad shut the book with an audible snap and slammed it on the coffee table, his eyebrow twitching sporadically.

"DAAAAARK!" he yelled. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BOOK!"

* * *

AN: Meh, I wanted to write more, but I figured it would destroy the whole cuteness of the scene. Oh, and if anyone's wondering, Krad forced Dark to sleep on the floor for three weeks in repayment for destroying his favorite book. XDD 


	16. And we now

What do you do when you have over an hour left of your finals, you finished early, but you're not allowed to leave?

Why, this of course! XD

* * *

**And we now…**

"And we now interrupt your regularly scheduled program for some very important announcements."

Violet eyes blinked and the owner of them leaned closer to the radio in interest. A teenaged boy with flaming red hair stopped drying the dishes and wandered closer to the tiny little machine. The normally cold and untouchable boy shut his laptop off and tilted his head curiously. And the angelic blonde raised an eyebrow in interest.

"It is now confirmed that druplle is indeed a color! Famed psychic Iamafraud communicated with Mozart beyond the grave and he agreed readily with her!"

The untouchable one blinked. "…the hell?"

"Um…wasn't Mozart a music composer…?" the red-head said hesitantly.

"SH!" the purple one hissed. "The announcer's about to speak!"

"In other news, parts of the world have been experiencing a phenomenon that is known as Pie Raining. Yes, you heard correctly, Pie Raining. It's like regular rain, only…pie. Why pie, we will never know, but the mayor of Whoknowswhere has declared today a national holiday known as Pie Day. More on this later on the never o'clock news channel, whothehellcares."

The angel snorted. "Who actually believes this garbage?" he demanded.

"Beats me…" the violet one muttered.

"Famed thief Youallsuck has stolen undergarments from Mayor What'shisface. Yes, undergarments. While the Mayor was wearing them. We don't really want to know why he stole them, but many people believe that he is the best thief in the world."

"What did he say?" the violet one hissed angrily. "I'M the best thief in the world, damnit!"

"If it takes stealing undergarments from people…" the untouchable one sighed. "I think we're going backwards."

"A talking monkey has recently been found quoting Shakespeare. Everyone believed that he was a genius until he screamed 'THEN I DEFY YOU STARS!' and jumped off a nearby cliff. Mayor Ilikebananas has called for the world to grieve over the death of the monkey tomorrow and to pray that he has found peace and Shakespeare in the afterlife."

"Monkey…?" the red-headed one said uncertainly. "Talking monkeys….?"

"That quote Shakespeare." The untouchable one added calmly.

The angelic one snorted, shaking his head. "Proves the intelligence level of humans if monkeys can quote Shakespeare…"

"Famed scientist Iamthebest has made dancing robots for everyone to enjoy! However, in the night club Wearesexy, these dancing robots have gone homicidal and thirst for robotic blood!"

The angelic one's eyebrow twitched. "They're taking my job…" he growled menacingly.

"Don't worry; I'll always think you're the best homicidal guy." The violet one said absently, patting the angelic one's hair.

"And finally, this last announcement will change the world. Inexorable's _Snippets of Life_ will once again be updated—today!"

The four males froze in terror, looked at the radio, then at each other.

"NOOOOOOO!"

* * *

AN: XDD

I'm back! One of my briefer hiatuses, yes, but it seemed so long to me…I just love this fic to death! XPP


	17. Mezzy and the Pink Tutu

AN: Sorry I haven't been updating in awhile. But I got addicted to playing this really fun game and…

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own

**Mezzy and the Pink Tutu**

**

* * *

**

Mezzy is a reporter. And he is a _male_ reporter, thank you very much, though his name isn't very masculine. So, this male, reporter with a not-very-masculine name was like all reporters: he was _very _nosey. And this ability to be so nosey and in-your-face got him the biggest break of perhaps his entire year.

He found out where the legendary Phantom Thief Dark Mousy lived.

And so, he went to the famous thief's house, a tape recorder in clutched tightly in one hand and a digital camera in his pocket. He walked up the pathway leading to the front door of the house and rang the doorbell.

_I'm actually ringing the doorbell of the great Phantom Thief's house!_ Mezzy thought in sheer rapture.

Shuffling steps from inside the house came closer to the door and Mezzy held his breath, waiting for his childhood idol to open the door. Mezzy got his tape recorder ready, and smiled in what he hoped was in a charming way.

"….Yes?" A sleepy-looking, disinterested boy with icy blue hair was the one that opened the door.

"Who…the hell are you?" Mezzy demanded. He was shocked and surprised that it was _not _Dark Mousy that answered the door, but a guy with…blue hair?

"I live here…?" Satoshi said with a raised eyebrow.

"But…what about the great Phantom Thief Dark Mousy?" Mezzy whimpered in fear, his hands shaking.

"He lives here too, but he went out with…a friend today." The boy looked at Mezzy with boredom. "Are you a reporter?"

Mezzy nodded tearfully. His one big break of his life and Dark was out in public! Without him!

"I have an idea…" the boy said, opening the door wider. "I'll tell you everything about Dark…why don't you come in?"

"Everything?" Mezzy whispered, sniffling pathetically.

"Everything." The boy soothed gently.

* * *

That night, as Dark settled down in his favorite chair, he turned on the news stations to see…

A digitally edited picture of him wearing a pink tutu?

"SATOSHI!"

* * *

AN: BTW, Mezzy went home and tore all of his pictures of Dark off of his wall. XD I love Mezzy…And Satoshi is so cruel to Dark! XP 


	18. The Odyssey Simplified

AN: I don't like _Odyssey_. But I'll write a simplified version for you anyway. XD

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own

**The Odyssey—Simplified**

**

* * *

**

It had been ten long years since the defeat of the Trojans. Many Greeks participating in that war had either died in battle or on the way home.

But, there was one Greek who hadn't returned home yet. Yes, that's right; it was the cunning soldier that brought Greek victory, the wily Ody—err, I mean, Satoshi.

Yes, that's right, Satoshi.

Anyway, for the past seven years he had been trapped on an island with the evil, conniving sea nymph bi—err…I mean, with the sea nymph Risa (insert dramatic gasp here).

And Risa, for the past seven years, had been _trying_ to get into Satoshi's pants, but with no avail for Satoshi is smart and Risa is…well, not so smart and Satoshi managed to hide from Risa every single time.

Which is pretty sad seeing how he's been stuck on a tiny island for seven years with her, that's 2,555 days, and she still hasn't seen him naked.

But I digress.

So, on one fine morning, Satoshi stood at the shoreline of Risa's beach, dreaming of home and his wife Penelope…I mean, dreaming of his home and lover Daisuke.

And that's when a bright idea suddenly struck his mind.

He was Hikari Satoshi, host to Krad. Krad was a magical entity that had…wings.

And so, without a second glance to the island that was his prison for the last seven years, Satoshi sprouted wings and turned to Krad, oblivious to the shouts of outrage from Risa that came from the tiny island.

Meanwhile, at home, Daisuke was having trouble fending off the many suitors that asked for his hand in marriage. For one, there was a Harada Riku clinging on to his right arm. And Mio Hio was cutting off the circulation in his left leg.

And the most surprising of all was Hiwatari Kei who had come with a bouquet of poison ivy and professed his love towards the Niwa.

"Don't worry; I'm not marrying you so I can kill you in your sleep or anything." Kei said innocently.

Daisuke had snorted and looked at Kei dubiously. Did the man even realize the garbage that was coming out of his mouth (not literally, of course)?

And then, suddenly, gasps filled the air.

"Look!" a girl cried out, pointing to the sky.

"It's a bird!" Another called out.

"No, it's a plane!" Riku shouted.

"No, it's Superman!" Mio Hio yelled.

"Don't be dumb, Superman doesn't exist in Ancient Greece." Riku snapped at her nemesis.

"Neither do planes!" Mio Hio retorted.

Meanwhile, Krad had started his descent and changed into Satoshi smoothly about five feet above the ground, letting his host drop down and land gracefully.

"Honey, I'm home!"

And Dark pulled out his industrial strength Suitors-B-Gone and laughed maniacally while spraying the veritable poison at…well, who else but Daisuke's suitors?

And all was good.

* * *

AN: Well, isn't that cute? 


	19. Yaoi Paradise

AN: Because I was bored and humming the Kookaburra song. Just look up the MIDI on the internet, then you can sing along! XDD

Disclaimer: I don't own the sexy guys nor the Kookaburra song….

* * *

**Yaoi Paradise**

Dark Mousy sitting in the old gum tree  
Merry, merry king of the thieves is he  
Laugh, Dark Mousy, oh, laugh, Dark Mousy!  
Gay your life must be!

Dark Mousy sitting in the old gum tree  
Eating all the gum drops he can see,  
Stop Dark Mousy, oh, stop Dark Mousy  
Leave some there for Krad!

Dark Mousy sitting on a comfy bed  
Naked and waiting for a Krad  
Wait Dark Mousy, oh, wait Dark Mousy  
You'll be having sex!

Dark Mousy sleeping with a sexy Krad  
Both are naked and rather tired  
Wow, Dark Mousy, oh wow, Dark Mousy  
Don't you know to stop?

Dark Mousy's host feeling very sad  
Satoshi is working on his laptop  
He wants sex, oh, he wants sex  
Satoshi, just look at him!

Daisuke all whimpering on his bed  
Satoshi is looking with big wide eyes  
Oh, they're doing it, oh, they're doing it  
They are having sex!

This big house is for sexy guys  
Everyone in bed with their lovers  
Oh, they're having fun, oh, they're having fun  
Yaoi paradise indeed!

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AN: Needless to say, this was _very_ fun to write… 


	20. The Fake Dark Mousy

AN: No, I'm not quite sure what I was thinking when I wrote it. But does that really matter? XP

Disclaimer: Still not mine!

**The Fake Dark Mousy**

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Dark's left eye was twitching sporadically, his hands clutching the armrests of the chair he sat it so tightly that the chair seemed like it was about to break. He clenched his teeth tightly as he glared at the TV screen with vengeance not even Hiwatari Kei was at the end of.

Huddled in a corner where they couldn't see the TV screen were the other three occupants of the house.

"…Krad, you go and see what's wrong."

"And risk getting pounced with a guy with an insatiable libido? No thank you. You do it!"

"Dark and I have a rivalry. Right now, I have the lead on him. I'm not going to let him get a point on me just because I feel bad for the chair right now."

Krad's face took a deeply completive look, trying to think of a solution while nibbling at the end of his ponytail. "Well," he said after a period of silence. "If you won't do it, and I won't do it, that just leaves us with one choice."

Golden and blue eyes looked at the last person at the same time.

"Niwa."

"Daisuke."

"What!" the red-head squawked in surprise, doing a good impression of a parrot at the moment.

The two nodded decisively and pushed Daisuke to the general direction of Dark's stiff form.

"Dark, what's the ma—OH MY EYES!"

Daisuke had glanced at television screen while speaking to his other half and found a sight more terrifying than he had ever seen before. Shutting his eyes tightly, he tried to forget that he ever saw the image on the television.

"Yes!" Dark nodded emphatically. "That's exactly what I was thinking at first when I saw him! I didn't know whether to scream, to cry, to gouge me eyes out with a blunt spoon, or all three! Not the prettiest sight you ever seen, right? Especially compared to my glory, of course! After all, I _am_ sex-on-legs! I'm so hot and he's so not! But this is so frustrating! Especially," he broke off here, waving vaguely at the TV with a disgruntled expression on his face. "since the masses think he's beautiful! Because he's dressed up as me!"

"What?"

Both Krad and Satoshi seemed extremely confused at the words spilling out of Dark's mouth one after another.

"Just look!" Dark ordered, flailing his arms around.

The only two who hadn't looked at the screen yet did. And were greeted with the scariest image of their lives.

A fat, monstrous…_thing_ was wearing tight leather that seemed like it was about to pop at its seams at any given moment. The fat, blubbery face had a hastily glued on wig that looked like it was a bush in its previous life. Obviously fake black wings were glued to his back, and yet…hundreds of screaming girls were crowded around him, trying to touch "Dark Mousy".

"What the…" Satoshi blinked in surprise, trying to digest the information clearly. "He's…Why…FAT!"

Krad, on the other hand, looked even angrier than Dark. His golden eyes flashed dangerously, his fingers twitching to wrap themselves around that fat, blubbery neck.

Dark sighed and tugged at Krad's hair. "Come on, lover, I'm going to need _very_ strong medicine if I'm ever going to forget that sight."

Krad wordlessly followed Dark back to their room where they promptly locked the door securely. Daisuke and Satoshi didn't even bother going back to their room, but had the sense to at least turn off TV before…ah…_applying their medicine_.

Three Hours Later…

Krad snuck out of the house when all was quiet and Dark was happily snoring away, dreaming of good things, mumbling incoherent words every now and then. Using his magical, cool, sensing powers because he's so good, he managed to find the Dark Mousy imposter's house.

When he entered the house, there were a gaggle of girls lying around the imposter's body on the sofa, giggling at everything he said.

"Excuse me, ladies." Krad said, ever the polite gentleman. "There is something that I must…discuss…with 'Dark Mousy'."

The girls weren't dumb. They knew trouble when they saw it and they hurried out of the house.

As soon as the girls left, Krad locked the door and began advancing towards the trembling imposter in a threatening manner.

"Now…" Krad purred dangerously. "You and I have to discuss…not to pretend to be someone you aren't…"

"Squeak!" the imposter said.

And (not-so) sadly to say, the imposter of Dark Mousy was never to be seen again.

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AN:...D 


	21. Sweaty Mansex

AN: Sorry I haven't updated in 9 months (WOW that's a long time) Hope you find this at least somewhat interesting!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, still not mine.

**Sweaty Mansex**

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There were a few things in the world that Krad did not like. Waking up at three in the morning was one of them.

Cursing slightly, Krad rolled over to his side to try going back to sleep, only to be met with a cold, empty, _Dark-less_ side of the bed.

Krad sat up in bed in shock. He was feeling puzzled (why the hell was Dark gone?), distressed (why the hell was Dark gone?), and pissed off (why the hell was Dark gone?).

He decided to leave the comfort of his bed to search for his wayward lover and proceeded to check _every freaking single room_ in the house. And where did he find Dark? Why, he found him in the living room, sitting on a couch, and staring intently at the television screen!

Now, you may be wondering to yourself exactly _what_ Dark found so interesting on the TV that he would leave his lover alone in bed. At three in the morning. Krad is wondering too.

So, Krad takes a look at the television screen and is accosted with the image of two, big, muscular, half-naked, red-faced, sweaty men, rolling around on the ground with each other.

Ah, the joys of wrestling. (What did you think I was going to say?)

"Dark…" Krad hisses. "What the hell are you watching?"

Dark absently gestures to the screen, eyes not even glancing at his lover. "Wrestling." He simply replies.

"Why the hell are you watching it _now?"_ Krad demands.

"Why can't I?" Dark counters. "I love wrestling. It's very interesting."

Krad knows what to do when Dark acts like this. You see, Dark is a creature motivated by sex (and food and Krad. But I suppose sex and Krad is the same thing.) and Krad knows this (trust me: he knows).

So Krad leans against the doorway, adopting a sultry pout, and hitching his shirt up ever so slightly to reveal that expanse of creamy skin.

"Daaark…" Krad half moans. "Come back to bed with me. I'll show you something _much_ more interesting than _wrestling_."

Dark glances at Krad and smirks before quickly adopting a bored expression.

"Oh?" he says, an eyebrow raised challengingly. He looks skeptical. "I doubt there's anything more exciting than wrestling."

"_Trust me_." Krad whispers into Dark's ear as he leads them back into their room. "There is."

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Satoshi rolls over in his bed with a groan, looking at the digital clock next to his head.

"Four. It's four in the morning." Satoshi whimpered, vainly trying to block the sounds coming from Dark's and Krad's room.

"They've been going at it for an hour." Daisuke adds wearily, giving up on trying to go back to sleep and just staring blankly at the ceiling.

"It doesn't sound like they're stopping anytime soon either." Satoshi adds, glaring at the wall that divides the rooms up. "I really need to get a thicker wall."

"Sex maniacs." Daisuke remarks with a strained edge to his voice. "Sex maniacs, the both of them."

Suddenly, Daisuke finds himself pinned under Satoshi.

"Then what do you say we make some noise too?" Satoshi asks sexily.

"Satoshi…" Daisuke sighed wearily. "I'm not in the mood right now."

Satoshi isn't one to be deterred, however. His hand darts under the blankets and starts going south…and more south…ooh, even more south…until Daisuke's face turns red.

"Still not in the mood?" Satoshi asks slightly evilly.

Daisuke could only squeak.

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It's six in the morning. Dark is looking at Krad's sleeping face curled next to him. Dark smirks, a sated look on his face.

"Mission: accomplished!" he thinks triumphantly.

Wonder if it would work two nights in a row…

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AN: Um…yup. Sweaty mansex.

Sorry if I changed your view on wrestling forever. D


	22. Of Normal Days and Bathrobes

AN: I just realized that this fic is over a year old. Thanks to all my loyal readers who've left me encouraging reviews! Please enjoy this new chapter!

Disclaimers: I don't own.

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**Of Normal Days and Bathrobes**

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**It had been a fairly normal day for Dark so far. You know, wake up late, have sex with Krad, go down in time for lunch with Dai and Satoshi while leering at the Sex God suggestively, etc, etc. At precisely nine o'clock P.M., Dark left, waving good-bye jauntily at Daisuke and Satoshi (who didn't notice because they were too busy…err…giving each other CPR lessons…yeah…CPR lessons…), and kissing Krad, which led to a twenty-minute make-out session. Which made him late. Yeah. To steal that artwork thingy.

Anyway, he returned home, the object of his theft already dropped off at the Niwa house, and rushed to his bedroom to find Krad sleeping. AT TEN O'CLOCK. Dark was disappointed (and a little annoyed). I mean, come on. Who sleeps AT TEN O'CLOCK when there is clearly a hot thief with an odd fetish for leather and blondes named Krad standing in their bedroom?

But alas, to wake up Krad would be signing a death warrant. Or a no-sex-for-three-weeks warrant. Which was close enough to being a death warrant (or at least it was for Dark).

Grumbling to himself, Dark entered the bathroom adjacent to their bedroom to take a long, cold shower. To clean himself (because that's…err…what cold showers do…to the mind of an innocent naïve child, anyway).

One hour later (yes, it took that long to…clean himself), Dark stepped out of the shower and into their room, a pair of loose pants serving as his pajamas (and nothing underneath…JUST INCASE a certain SEX GOD was craving for _something_…and trust me, it ain't food), and feeling slightly refreshed. Until he saw exactly _what_ was on his bed.

Or perhaps, _who_ would be a better word.

The normally loquacious perverted thief was speechless, his eyes almost bulging out of his eye sockets (but not really, because that would be gross), and his mouth hanging wide open. For you see, there was _delicious_ image lying on his bed. And damn, was it sexy.

It seemed like Krad had decided to take a shower in the other bathroom in the time Dark was "cleaning" himself. He now was lying on the bed in a totally sexy manner (most people wouldn't be able to pull this off, but this _is_ Krad we're talking about), his golden eyes flicking across the pages of the book he read. His long blonde hair was carelessly tossed over one shoulder, slightly damp and glistening in the lone light that lit up the room. And to complete this utterly sexy image was what Krad was wearing: a fluffy white bathrobe.

And it wasn't one of those stupid bathrobes Daisuke got that was so long and big that they covered everything interesting. No, it the shortest damn bathrobe Dark had _ever_ laid his eyes on. The ends of the bathrobe barely covered Krad's more…_private _parts, and it was slightly open at the top, giving Dark a nice view of Krad's chest.

"Oh!" Krad exclaimed in surprise, having finally realized that Dark was standing not a few feet away. "Back already? How was the theft?"

"Fine…" Dark managed, his eyes still glued on his Sex God.

"I'm glad." Krad purred, looking at Dark with something that could be translated into a hungry, lustful gaze.

Dark could only stare at Krad in open-mouthed shock.

"Daaark…" Krad said, drawing out his name _so _sexily it should be against the law. He smiled at Dark, shooting him a lustful look. "I want something…I want something, I need it…Please help me Dark…"

"Of course, Krad." Dark replied. Internally, he was jumping in glee, while he seemed to be his normal composed self on the outside. "What can I help you with?"

"I'm _hungry…_" Krad whispered. "I'm so hungry for…"

"For what, Krad?" Dark gently inquired. Almost imperceptibly, however, he was tightening his muscles to jump—

"For a turkey sandwich."

—and tear off his clothes to have his wicked way with—WHAT!

"Please Dark?" Krad begged prettily after Dark lapsed into shocked silence again. "For me?"

Melting under that gaze, Dark felt himself nodding and walking towards the kitchen. Sighing audibly, he made the sandwich for his totally irresistible lover, fantasizing about the SEX GOD in their bedroom right now.

And that's when the thought hit him.

Perhaps, Krad would be so delighted in seeing the turkey sandwich Dark had so _lovingly_ created that he would get a reward!

Filled with that thought, Dark rushed about the kitchen, hurriedly making a sandwich, throwing it on a plate, and hurtled up the stairs. He passed the other bedroom in the house (were those moans he was hearing?) and opened the door to be reunited with Krad once more!

Only to find Krad's discarded bathrobe on the floor. The Sex God was now wearing a pair of sweatpants and a faded T-shirt and was getting into bed.

"Dark?" Krad smiled sweetly at his lover's disappointed expression. Behind the sweet smile, however, there was something dark…evil…lurking. "Thank you for making the sandwich, but I'm not hungry anymore. I'm rather tired now, actually."

Krad slipped under the covers and smiled at Dark's unhappy expression. "Oh, Dark…" Krad added.

Dark perked up at the trailing statement. He eagerly waited for his reward that was sure to come so he could finally have mad, passionate—

"Wake me up and DIE. Good night."

--sex…DAMNIT!

With a muttered curse, Dark tossed the sandwich into the trashcan and went back to the bathroom for another cold shower. To get clean again. Yup. Clean. While simultaneously banging his head against the tiled wall in order to get rid of the utterly delectable Krad that had appeared in his thoughts.

"Damnit." Bang. Bang. "Damn Krad." Bang. Bang. "Damn libido." Bang. Bang.

Meanwhile Krad was smirking evilly in bed.

"Now _that_ was fun…" Krad thought smugly, listening to the dull thuds coming from the bathroom. "I should do that again."

And the other two occupants of the house, who really weren't mentioned at all this entire chapter, were screwing each other like bunnies (forgive me for the vulgarity).

And the next day, Hikari Satoshi was happily bragging how that _he_ had gotten some lovin', while Dark _didn't_. And Satoshi was happy, Krad was amused, Daisuke was exasperated, and Dark was pissed.

And thus, another normal day began.

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AN: Whew! And that concludes another chapter of SoL. Thanks again to all those who've reviewed! 


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